We live in the age of overshare. Everyone wants you to know what they’re doing, how and why they’re doing it and then convince you that you need to do it too. Along with that comes the trolls, the opinions no one asked for and the people who just have too much time on their hands. Parenting is one of the topics that come across my feeds often. Being someone who writes in the parenting niche my feeds are full of moms, bloggers and not. Unfortunately, that comes with seeing way too many sad stories involving children. My heart breaks a little bit every single day with some of the stories that I come across.
Daycare abuse, boyfriends killing their girlfriends children and bullying are all too common news titles today. But the stories that always break my heart: child suicide. And one that especially triggered me a couple weeks ago, was concerning a young girl who hanged herself, at 9 after an argument with her mom. As a parent I can only imagine what it’s like to find you child took their own life. I can also imagine the million and one thoughts that went through that moms head as she replayed the last moments she spent with her daughter.
Parenting is no joke.
And their are just some moments that no matter how many parenting books you read, no matter who you ask in your mom group on facebook, that no one can prepare you for. No one experiences the individual moments of parenthood in your household but you. So the arguments and moments where you unintentionally lose your cool, while in most cases fleeting are only situations that you can control. And I’m just going to be upfront and say I have many a day with two small children where I don’t handle situations at my best. This is definitely why I make sure I try my hardest to put into practice something that I was rarely given.
I may be their mom, but I always apologize to my children.
Yup. Even the little one. Because their are days where he spends 8 out of the 9 hours that he’s awake being a complete jerk. Toddlers are impossible. And there are some days where on 3 hours of sleep, he’s on his 8th meltdown of the hour, his older brother has called me 84280238 times in 3o seconds, where my light doesn’t shine the brightest and I become the mean mom. Uncessarily. When everyone in the house is losing control mom loses control sometimes too. And I’m human, so thats ok.
But I come from the culture of “I’m the mama (grandma, auntie, adult), I don’t apologize to no kids.” and that is NOT ok. And if you’re nodding in agreement then you were probably once a little black girl who grew up to have real adult problems from that crap. Not my babies. I refuse to have my children think it’s ok to have their feelings disregarded because I’m an adult. They should never feel like because I’m their mother, what I have to say and how I feel matters more than them. That’s not how any of this works. I’m definitely not saying it’s a free for all and they’re going to grow up being disrespectful cause that’s definitely not going to fly, but I’m making it a point to acknowledge the people that they are from a very young age.
And apologizing to your children doesn’t make you any less of a parent.
You’re not a horrible person for admitting that you’ve messed up. If anything you’re showing them the proper way to process feelings and emotions even AFTER a disagreement has occurred. I was always in a position where I had my feelings minimized, or made to seem “dramatic” and TO THIS DAY that still affects how I communicate as an adult. We have to want better for our children.
Apologizing to my children doesn’t make me a pushover. I’m an amazing mom, raising tiny little amazing people. Who will know how it feels to have their feelings validated, feel important and see the importance of admitting your mistakes. And children are so gracious anyway, but we still shouldn’t take advantage of their little hearts! 😉
Do you apologize to your kids? Do you think I’m crazy?! lol
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