Browsing Tag

self care


5 Ways to Make Your Social Media a Happier Place

How often do you find yourself scrolling through your timeline and rolling your eyes? Oh girl on Facebook complaining again. Judgey Judith is on twitter worried about what everybody else is doing. Sara Snoops-A-Lot is all up and down the comments on theshaderoom and the stupid Instagram algorithm keeps showing you her comments over and over again. I feel like everywhere, on all platforms we all have friends that we wonder “why are you here?”. And it’s honestly time for us to stop feeling bad about wanting to get rid of them. You deserve to make your social media a happier place.

You need to clean out your social media sis. 

Mental health is real. And with the increased time that people spend on these platforms it should go without saying that we should be filling our timelines with things that are going to fulfill us. I’m talking…. less theshaderoom and more heyfranhey. I recently saw a post (on Facebook of course) about a study being done and finding that people who spend less time on social media are happier. *insert eye roll* Well there’s a shocker. If every time I sign on to Facebook I see Barry Badnews sharing the latest tragedy then of course I’m going to be depressed! Take some time today and take these few minutes to clean up your timelines. Your mind will thank you for it.

5 Ways to Make Your Social Media a Happier Place

  • Follow accounts that inspire you. I’m not going to lie I still follow theshaderoom on Instagram. But for every ONE theshaderoom there are TEN heyfranhey’s or blackandwell’s. I try to lean more of my focus on accounts that are going to bring positivity rather than the latest tea.
  • Remember, it’s the internet. Not everything is as it appears. Some people only share what they want others to see. Some people overshare just to get attention. At the end of the day everyone has their own personal uses for their social media. You can respect that, and still choose not to partake.
  • Treat your online space the same as your house. Are you letting anybody into your house that you don’t like? Yea… it’s the same. It’s still your space.
  • Be the positivity. Positive energy is contagious! You can’t expect people to be exactly who you are, but sometimes they don’t know any better. If you’re putting out your positive energy you may just inspire others to do the same.
  • Delete delete delete. And stop feeling bad about deleting people! Your friend that you haven’t seen since high school that only messages you occassionaly to sell you ItWorks will get over it sis. If you’re going to spend your time online, you might as well spend it with people you enjoy. And if it’s your auntie and em driving you crazy, at least mute or hide them so you don’t have to deal with it on the regular.

The Bottom Line

At the end of the day, making your social media a happier place should be a priority. You can’t control how or what people share but you absolutely have control over what you allow into your space. Fill your timeline with affirmations, people that make you smile, and things that uplift you. Of course you can also choose to stay off social media, take regular breaks or just ignore everyone altogether. Basically what I’m saying is, do what makes you happy sis! Drink your water, mind your business. And don’t forget you’re in control!

Feel like you have a hard time staying happy? Check out this post: 5 Ways to Stay Genuinely Happy When Everything Feels Negative.


5+ Ways to Calm Your Anxiety and Get a Good Nights Sleep

I’m pretty sure I have already told you guys that I suffer from anxiety. Couple that with being an introvert that would rather stay to themselves and the conversations that I have in my head are non-freaking-stop. I’ve learned to cope with it pretty well (and even have tried out some apps that help) but my anxiety and overthinking usually brings another friend along with them. Hello insomnia. Anxiety and a good nights sleep do not couple well. Some nights it seems like no matter how much I try to relax my mind, I cannot turn the switch off in my brain and go to sleep. I’ve come up with some easy and effective methods to calm myself down, shut the switch off and at least get a couple hours of sleep.

Journal before bed – This helps to get the ideas out of my head. I find that if I write down at least some of the trillion things that I am thinking about, they stay out long enough for me to fall asleep. Journaling also helps me remember things because… mommy brain. I come up with some pretty good content ideas when I can’t sleep. Write it down so it’s out of your head.

Listen to music – And then my focus is on one thing. Music has always been one of the ways I was able to get out of my head. We cosleep (unfortunately LOL) so I’m not in the bed doing any late night karaoke. But singing along in my head helps zero in on one thought.

Read until you’re asleep – That probably sounds bad. And I’ll admit I don’t read nearly as much as I used to. But I used to love reading. I’m able to block everything out around me. Just like listening to music it helps my thoughts zero in on a specific thing so I’m not thinking about 8297008980420 other things.

Meditation and Relaxation – This method actually takes a lot more effort for me. Calming myself down is a process. Since meditation involves actively focusing on one thing I have to actually WORK to make this work. But coupled with deep breathing it not only calms my mind but my entire body.


No caffeine a few hours before bed – My insomnia in my 20s used to be WAY worse than it is now. I quickly found out that caffeine any time after 6 is my enemy. I cut out the red bull (I know, don’t judge me) and I make sure to limit my soda/coffee intake. If you already have problems getting to sleep on your own you don’t need any assistance.

These are only a few ideas that help me but when researching I’m sure you can find a ton of other ideas. Aromatherapy, essential oils and weighted blankets are all things I have heard great reviews on but have not tried myself. I do recommend trying out a few different methods and seeing what works for you. Everybody is different, and every night is different. Some nights I can write and go to sleep and some nights I have to try 3 different methods before I am able to calm myself down. Anxiety and a good nights sleep don’t often go hand and hand but it doesn’t have to be crippling. And of course, if you feel like it’s something you cannot manage alone then you should definitely seek professional help.

Do you suffer from anxiety or insomnia? What are some things that help you get to sleep?




5 Ways to Stay Genuinely Happy When Everything Feels Negative

I’m not sure what it is but I feel like everywhere you turn on social media someone is posting or sharing something that just doesn’t vibrate on a high frequency. I feel like we all have that one Facebook friend that is the constant bearer of bad news. Or the person that comments on everything trying to negate someone else’s opinion. And if thats not the case the state of the country alone is enough to make you want to sleep until everyone gets it the hell together. I have had people comment on how positive I am and even ask what I’m “so happy” about all the time and honestly it’s been a big mental shift that I committed to working on myself. Staying genuinely happy is a decision. And it’s one that I decided to make for myself. Continue Reading →


10 Self Care Apps You Can Use in Case Therapy Isn’t Your “Thing”

Not everyone has the time or the means to get to therapy. You may not be able to afford it or don’t have the time between working and mommy duties. I also get that unfortunately especially within the black community there are still so many stigmas revolving around the idea of seeing a therapist. So many people will be quick to tell you to pray, give it to God or straight up dismiss your problems as a problem that black people don’t have. So you may feel embarrassed about wanting to ask for help (but you totally shouldn’t be).

Whatever your reason is for not being able to make it to lay on somebody’s couch, we thankfully live in the wonderful age of technology. There are a plethora of apps that are available to make self care easy on the go. Whether you need someone to talk to, or just need a few daily reminders to keep you energy positive there’s an app for ALL that.

For When You Need to Talk

Talkspace – Talkspace was actually the first app that I heard of that provided online therapy. I’m not saying it is the first of it’s kind but it’s definitely the first that was marketed in a way that caught my attention! Talkspace provides you with 24/7 access to a licensed therapist and costs WAY less than traditional therapy. This is great for moms on the go who can’t make it in to traditional appointments, those who may feel embarrassed or just someone that may need someone to talk to at an untraditional hour. Talkspace also offers therapy for teens and couples therapy.

7 Cups of Tea – 7 cups of Tea provides you with 24/7 access to talk to someone in case you don’t have the time to get in an office. What makes 7 cups different is for free you can talk to what they call “trained active listeners”. I don’t know about you, but sometimes I could use a good vent and 7 cups is looking to provide that service for you. They also have the option to connect with a licensed professional for $150 a month.

iPrevail – iPrevail is different in that you answer a series of mood based questions, and then you are connected anonymously to a peer counselor for free. They have a large community in which you can choose to connect with others who may be experiencing the same type of feelings/situations that you are. You also have the option of speaking to a licensed professional for $9.99 a month.

For When You Need Verbal Positive Reminders 

Happify – Happify is an app designed for stress and worry. They send daily reminders, games and other activities to get you into the habit of thinking positively. The cool thing is that the activities are designed specifically for you based on what you input. I just started using the app and I like it. It doesn’t feel like it’s too hard and it’s not too cheesy.

Gratitude Journal – Because I truly believe in starting each day with a grateful heart. This app gives you reminders to practice gratitude on a regular basis, not just once a day. You can input the things you’re grateful for daily with pictures and share them if you chose via social media.

Sprinkle of Jesus – I know some people aren’t feeling this app but honestly, sometimes these just make me giggle. The notifications are definitely marketed towards todays generation and are looking to spread the love and light of Jesus in a way that will reach a younger market. I ain’t mad at them. They more often than not do get the message across and I’m not ashamed to say most of the time they are timely.

When You’re Ready to Take Your Self Care to a Physical Level

Breathing Zone – It may sound crazy but as someone who suffers from anxiety, sometimes I need help remembering how to breathe. Voice instructions and animations guide your pace; timed sessions from five minutes to one hour are available. Breathing zone is said to defuse stress and decrease blood pressure.

Plant Nanny – I can’t keep a real plant alive for anything but I do pretty well with plant nanny! This app is the cutest reminder ever to make sure you’re hitting your water goals (and if you need water bottle inspiration I have a post on that too). I love that you set your individual goal, and thats your focus.

Flo – If you happen to be reading this post and you aren’t a woman, you can skip this. Flo is a daily cycle tracker most use for period/ovulation. As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized knowing your cycle helps predict your moods pretty well. Hormones are real y’all, don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

Mealime – Mealime takes the stress out of meal planning. You input your food preferences and mealtime gives you a grocery list AND recipes. Food affects your mood. The better you eat the better you will feel and if you struggle with low moods, you may want to take a look at your diet. I’m the first to admit that I don’t always eat the best. But when I do eat better, I do notice a shift in how I feel.

Are you using your phone to help boost your mood ? What is your favorite self care app?


5 Tips to Deal with Maternal Separation Anxiety

You never really know what kind of parent you’re going to be. I worried from the very beginning about the type of mom I would be. Would I be too easy going? Would my kids listen? Am I capable of providing my children with a life that wouldn’t require therapy some 15-20 years down the line? Parenting is a constant merry go round of one worry or the other and no one can quite prep you for just how it feels. But the one thing I didn’t expect to worry about as much as I do? Leaving them.

It’s not like separation anxiety is a new topic in the parenting community. If you google it you can find tons of articles and sites dedicated to how to deal with separation anxiety through all ages of infancy and adolescence. But what happens when the shoe is on the other foot? I know I can’t be the only mom out there whose heart beats a little faster when it’s time for me to leave my kids. My anxiety is not that bad, I’m not talk about a regular day to do basis in which I leave and go to work. However, I have been blessed with many opportunities to travel recently and it never fails, a few days before it’s time to go the voices in my head go crazy and the dread creeps in.

Continue Reading →